Word Spirit and Power Conference | Jan 29 2007 6:07 PM
I'm sorry this blog is so long, but it's such a long story to tell that I can't really help it. Just bear with me, and PLEASE READ MY BLOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, if you haven't read my previous blog, read it before you read this one.
Friday, 6:30 P.M.
I came back to the church Friday evening, hoping for an experience similar to the one on Thursday, especially the worship. I didn't really know what to expect though. Well, when we got there, I could not worship, at all. I just couldn't concentrate, and they didn't play any good songs that I liked. Then the teaching started, but it wasn't really even teaching! Everyone just kind of gathered on stage and talked. Then, when R.T. finally started, I just got bored. It was during Jack's time that I got really bored. It was, honestly, not interesting. Charles had some really cool stories, but I got so bored I eventually went outside and walked around for a few minutes to try and concentrate and get some fresh air. Then, I went back in and made it through to the ministry time, barely, without falling asleep. I didn't know what was wrong! When the ministry time started, they called all people over 60 years old to come to the front. Then they called people under 25 years old to come up. I knew I should go, but I didn't. Everyone else around me left their seats and went up there, while me and a couple of others stayed. I felt like I really needed to go up, and join the multitude that was already gathered there, but I was too afraid. Then, worship started, and I could not at all worship. I couldn't. I had no emotion, at all. It sucked. So bad. I knew I needed to go up to have them lay their hands on me, but I was still too scared. I mean, I knew I needed to, but I was telling myself that God could anoint me with his Holy Spirit where I was. I believed that it was God speaking, so I decided not to go up. Instead, I went into the back corner and I started to ask God to fill me with his spirit. He didn't. I kept asking. He didn't. I begged him. He still didn't, and though I wanted more of Him far greater than anything else in the whole world, I did not shed one tear that he didn't answer. I was stuck in this hellish state in which I had absolutely no emotion. Seriously, I could not cry, I could not beg. I wanted God more than anything, but at the same time I didn't. I can't really explain what it feels like, besides that it sucks and it feels like you're in hell. I couldn't cry, if I shouted for God, I felt nothing in my heart. Eventually, I went back to my seat. Then I went off by myself at the top, praying and worshiping, but I still got nothing. I couldn't worship, and I knew I might as well go home and do something there. Eventually we ended, and went home. I can't remember what I did.
Saturday, 10:00 A.M.
The next morning, I came to church praying I would have a better time than the night before. I didn't want to waste my time, and God definitely answered my prayer!
When we got there, the worship was pretty good. It wasn't amazing, but I did enjoy it. Saturday morning's teaching was really good. R.T. spoke about how God sometimes says things He doesn't mean to see if we'll still follow after him. It definitely hit me that God was testing me through what happened on Friday. R.T.'s message really was excellent, and I encourage everyone to go to http://www.beltway.org/ and watch some of the teachings from the wsp conference. Anyways, when the ministry time began, they called anyone forward who hasn't come up yet. There were quite a few people that went, and at first, I didn't go. But eventually I overcame my fear and went up there. I knew I needed to. When I stood up there, I was nervous, but I was ok. Charles laid his hand on my forehead, and maybe others did too, I don't remember. I didn't fall over, but I immediately knelt down and started weeping. God broke my heart, and I just cried, worshiped Him for how incredible He is. Rick came over in a little while and prayed for me. Then he told me what he prayed and it was all I could do to keep from bursting out in tears. He shared some interesting things with me, like how he felt I would be a leader and that I would go into a place by myself to get closer to God, and then go out with the power of the Spirit. He also said some other things. I got on my face and cried some more, worshiped, and went to the back corner, where a few others were worshiping and praying in solitude. I burst out into crying again, and worshiped some more, it was amazing. Then this college guy came over to me as I was kneeling down, and shared a word with me, about how much God loved me and how his plans for my life are so much greater than what I could dream of by myself. It fit pretty well, and was so so encouraging. He was really cool, but I don't know who he was. After a while I sat down at my chair, worshiping more. Finally we left, I left, changed. We went home and then got some cd's and saw Brad at Family Christian. We hung out and went to part of the 2:30 session. R.T. talked about the "yuck factor" and how God uses things like falling down to see how much you are willing to look like a fool for him, before he gives you more of the Holy Spirit. It was really good, and, honestly, I wasn't the same person by the time we went to SLAM. Wow, the weekend really was amazing, and I haven't even gotten to SLAM yet!!! Praise God!!! Check back later to see when I put that blog up, thanks for enduring to the end of this freaking novel that I just wrote. I appreciate the fact that you want to see what's going on in my life and in my youth group. Make sure to leave some kind of comment. God Bless!!!